Friendship Breakup is Real : 10 Ways to Heal

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How to Deal with Friendship Breakup – Understanding, Healing, and Moving Forward

“Our brain doesn’t know the difference between a romantic or platonic relationship.”

And oftentimes, neither does our heart.

It is never easy when friendships end.

Though friendship breakups are not discussed as often as romantic breakups, they happen to everyone.

A breakup with a friend can be as heartbreaking as the end of a romantic relationship.

As we grow older, we believe we have found our lifelong friends and are confident about who our closest friends are.

The term “BFF” implies everlasting friendship, but not all friendships last forever.

When a friend decides to move out from your life, it can leave you feeling lost and questioning your worth.

You may wonder if you were too much or not enough, leading to feelings of guilt and self-doubt, wondering if the real you is somehow lacking.

Guilt begins to weigh heavily as you start questioning your authenticity.

As doubts start creeping in, you find yourself asking, “Am I not deserving of any effort?” or “Am I that easily disposable?”

You fear the idea of opening again, the moments when you showed your weaknesses and flaws.

It leads you to believe that perhaps you are not good enough. You regret ever showing your true self and wish you hadn’t.

The narrative I came up with was that I was too much—my openness about my feelings and expectations, my bluntness and straightforwardness, the very qualities I took pride in, became challenges in my relationship.

I felt like I had nothing left to offer anyone.

I wish I could say I moved right on, but that was not the case.

While I have had friendships naturally fade away in the past, this breakup hit me really hard.

The loss felt overwhelming.

The silence and lack of communication only added to the confusion and sadness.

It took me over a year to process the loss and move on, but ultimately, there was one turning point that allowed me to let go.

Whether you are the one being left behind or the one ending the friendship, the pain is real.

Toxic or seemingly normal, sudden, or gradual, friendship breakups are never easy.

They force us to confront our vulnerabilities.

You are probably wondering how to deal with a friendship breakup, I came up with some things you can do for yourself to move forward, through the past and the pain of a lost friendship.

Understanding the Emotional Toll of a Broken Friendship

The ending of a significant friendship can leave us feeling a range of emotions, including:

Sadness

The loss of a close friend is a significant source of grief. We grieve the shared experiences and the sense of companionship.

Anger

If the friendship ended due to a specific conflict, you might feel angry or resentful towards your friend.

Confusion

Sometimes, friendships fade without a clear explanation, leaving you questioning what went wrong and replaying conversations in your head.

Loneliness

Losing a friend can leave a void in your life, particularly if you shared a close bond and relied on them for emotional support.

Betrayal

If your friend betrayed your trust or confided your secrets to someone else, you might feel a deep sense of betrayal.

You may also like to read The Power of Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

How to Deal with the Friendship Breakup:

1. Letting Go with Gratitude (and No Blame!)

We never expect friendships to end, but then, that’s life! Every friend brings something special, even the ones who move on.

Take a moment to appreciate what each person has added to your journey.

You wouldn’t be you without them!

2. Validating Your Emotions

A breakup is a feeling of rejection at the heart of a friendship.

Whichever side you are on, there will be a sense that someone you were once so close to no longer values you as a person.

One study found that feelings of rejection directly impact self-perception by creating feelings of hurt, loneliness, jealousy, guilt, shame, social anxiety, embarrassment, sadness, and anger.

Society expects you to experience these emotions when you suffer a loss or a romantic breakup.

There isn’t always the same understanding for a friendship breakup.

So if your social circle isn’t supportive of what you are going through, know that there are always some people who will understand and validate your emotions.

But first, you need to validate them as well.

3. Letting Go of Guilt and Taking Responsibility

If you’re feeling guilty about how things ended or about earlier situations in your friendship, it’s time to let go of that guilt.

At the same time, take responsibility for your actions and where you might have failed in the relationship.

Taking responsibility is very important, even if you think you’re only responsible for 5% of the negative.

4. Seeking Closure, But Being Open to Letting Go

Talking things out with your friend can be helpful, but sometimes letting go quietly is the best option.

The key is to be open to however closure arrives.

Maybe it’s a wake up incident, a heart-to-heart talk, or just a simple understanding that things are different now.

True closure comes from accepting the end and releasing attachments.

5. Practicing Self-Compassion and Forgiveness

Be gentle with yourself.

Allow yourself to feel without judgment or self-criticism.

Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding, acknowledging that you did and you’re doing the best you can in a difficult situation.

Additionally, practice forgiveness, both towards yourself and towards the person you’ve parted ways with.

Holding onto resentment or anger will only delay your pain, so choose to forgive and release any negative emotions that may be weighing you down.

By practicing self-compassion and forgiveness, you can heal from the breakup and move forward with a new sense of peace and clarity.

Also Read: Importance Of Forgiveness In Relationships and How to Self Forgive

6. Leaning on Your Friends and Family

During difficult times like friendship breakups, it’s important to reach out to your friends and family for comfort.

Surround yourself with people who support you, helping you with all the emotions and challenges that come with the end of a friendship.

You don’t have to go through this alone, and seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

7. Embracing Growth and Change

Instead of getting stuck in the sadness of the friendship ending, take the chance to think about what you’ve learned about yourself and friendships.

Use the experience to grow personally, learning from your shortcomings, mistakes, or problems.

Remember, tough times can make you stronger, and going through a friendship breakup can help you become more resilient.

8. Rebuilding Your Ability to Trust

You might not realize it right away, but eventually, you might find that your friendship or the breakup has changed how you see other people.

This happens because when you’re close with someone and share your feelings, you build trust. Whether you realize it or not, this affects how much you trust others.

If you feel unsure about getting close to new people or you hold back from other relationships, it might be because of what happened with your friend.

9. Investing in Positive Relationships

As you move through the grieving process, there will come a time when it’s essential to begin making new friendships—intentionally investing in creating positive and healthy attachments.

In a generation where it’s easier to run away, ghost someone, or swipe to the next person, appreciate those who choose to stay, communicate how they feel, and are willing to work things out.

10. Moving On

Ironically, one of the most effective ways to move forward is to simply let go.

Holding on to the expectation that they’ll acknowledge our pain only prolongs our suffering.

Instead, we must release these expectations and disappointments, freeing ourselves from the need for validation from them.

This doesn’t mean forgetting the good times shared; rather, it means letting go of the hold they have on our emotional well-being.

Part of moving on from a friendship breakup involves recognizing that the nature of the relationship has shifted.

It requires adjusting to the reality that we can no longer invest our emotions and energy into them as we once did.

While we may still care for them and wish them well, we must transition away from feeling responsible for their happiness and choices.

Ultimately, we are not accountable for our friend’s life or decisions.

It’s essential to let go of the urge to ensure their well-being and instead focus on our own journey of healing and growth.

Whenever you find yourself missing someone who left you, you should remind yourself that them not being part of your present is a consistent choice they make every day.

They wake up and decide to maintain the silence.

Friendships should feel effortless but need to be effortful.

There are no effortless friendships, there are only effortful friendships.

They are full – full of care, attention, availability, forgiveness, compassion, patience, sadness, anger and love.

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