The Uncomfortable Truth:
Why We Get Bored with Some People
Recently, I met up with an old friend after a long time.
I was really looking forward to catching up with her, but it didn’t turn out like I hoped.
Earlier, we used to spend hours together, with endless conversations and countless laughs.
But this time, something was off.
I found myself struggling to keep the conversation going, and before I knew it, the spark we once shared seemed to have just died out.
It just felt boring.
The question is: why do we get bored with some people?
The answer, like most things in life, isn’t a simple one.
Feeling bored in relationships happens when there’s a gap, like something’s missing.
It’s when the excitement of interesting talks fades away, and conversations start to feel dull.
But what causes this boring feeling and why we get bored with people?
In our social world, connecting with others is an important part of our life.
Whether it’s spending time with close friends, meeting acquaintances, or interacting with strangers, we’ve all experienced moments where conversations flow effortlessly and times when interactions feel dull and uninteresting.
But have you ever wondered why some people leave us feeling bored and disconnected?
Is it their fault? Is it yours?
There are several reasons why you might get bored with some people.
Reasons why we get bored with some people:
1. Lack of Common Interests
When you and another person have little to nothing in common, conversations can become dull and repetitive.
Imagine talking to someone who only likes discussing their love for trading, a hobby you have no interest in.
Without common ground, it’s hard to keep the conversation lively, and you may quickly find yourself feeling bored.
2. Superficial Conversations
Some people only want to talk about simple things like the weather, gossip, or everyday stuff.
These talks can be okay for a while, but they don’t have much depth.
Like if someone only talks about their day or what’s happening in famous people’s lives, it can feel like something’s missing.
You might want to talk about bigger things like dreams, ideas, or feelings.
When conversations stay on the surface like this, it can get boring because you want to talk about more meaningful stuff.
3.Predictable Behaviour
If someone always acts the same way, you can guess what they’ll say or do.
This can make talking to them feel boring because you know what to expect.
For instance, if your colleagues complain about the job every time you talk, it can make chatting with them feel dull because there are no surprises.
4. Constant Negativity
Being with people who always complain or focus on bad things can make you feel tired.
Their constant negativity can make you sad and not want to spend time with them.
For example, if a friend always complaining about what’s wrong with their job, the weather, or the food at a restaurant, it can get old and boring after a while.
READ ALSO: EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS
5. One-Sided Chats
Good talks should have both people talking and listening.
If you always have to start the conversation or do all the talking, it can be tiring.
Imagine talking to someone who only says “yes” or “no,” leaving you to do all the talking.
This can make you feel like you’re talking to yourself and gets boring quickly.
Or conversely, if one person talks a lot and doesn’t care about what you think, it’s tiring.
For example, if someone only talks about themselves and doesn’t ask about you, you might feel like you’re just listening without saying much, which can make you bored.
6. Limited Interests
Everyone likes different things, but if someone only wants to talk about one thing all the time, it can get boring.
Imagine listening to a conversation about bike racing for an hour when you don’t care about it.
Unless you also like bike racing, you might feel like you’re not interested and want to talk about something else.
7. Lack of Curiosity
Good talks make you curious and eager to learn.
But if someone always sticks to their own ideas and refuses to consider new ones, it can make the conversation feel stuck.
For example, if a person only talks about what they believe and never listens to others’ opinions, it makes the conversation less interesting and can feel so dull.
8. Feeling Drained
Talking isn’t just about words; it’s also about sharing emotions.
If one always complains or focuses on bad things, it can make you feel tired.
For instance, if a friend only talks about their problems and never shares happy stories, it can make you feel sad.
Over time, you might want to talk to people who make you feel happy and inspired instead.
9. Surface-Level Talks
Starting with small talk is fine, but it can get boring if that’s all you ever talk about.
If conversations never go deeper than talking about simple things like the weather or plans for the weekend, it can feel shallow.
For example, if you always talk to a friend about normal basic stuff and never get to know each other’s dreams or challenges, it can feel like something is missing.
We want conversations where we can talk about our hopes, fears, and deeper thoughts, which makes them more interesting and enjoyable.
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So, what can you do to avoid these conversational dead ends?
How To Avoid Getting Bored
Be a Good Listener (But Don’t Be a Doormat)
Active listening is important in a good chat.
It means paying attention to what the other person says, asking them good questions, and showing you’re interested. But, it’s not just about nodding along silently.
If you feel like you’re just listening and not getting to join in, try to guide the conversation to a more equal back-and-forth.
Stay focused when you’re talking to someone.
Listen carefully, ask questions that show you’re interested, and let them speak without interrupting.
Active listening is a way to show you care about them and helps you both feel connected.
When you listen well, you learn new things and understand each other better.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
“Yes” or “no” questions shut down conversation.
Instead, ask open-ended questions that encourage elaboration. “What did you think of that movie?” is much more engaging than “Did you like it?”.
Gently Guide the Conversation
If someone just wants to talk on a topic that bores you, don’t be afraid to gently steer the conversation in a new direction. “That’s interesting, but have you heard about…” can be a helpful way to introduce a new topic.
Share Your Passions (But Be Mindful of Your Audience)
Conversations are a great way to explore shared interests.
Don’t be afraid to share something you’re passionate about, but be mindful of your audience.
Avoid launching into a lengthy technical explanation if the other person seems completely lost.
Conversations are a good way to talk about things you both like.
Share what you love, but make sure the other person is interested.
5. Find Something in Common
Don’t go into too much detail if they seem lost.
You won’t always like the same things, but you can usually find something you both enjoy.
Look for things you both like, such as music, food, or what’s happening in the world.
6. Be Open to Differences
It’s okay if you don’t agree on everything.
Learning about each other’s ideas can be interesting.
Talking to people with different views can make you think differently and learn new things.
7. Celebrate Change
People change over time, and that’s okay.
Ask about their new hobbies and interests.
Celebrating each other’s growth can make your bond stronger.
8. Do Things Together Again
Sometimes, doing things you used to enjoy can bring back good memories.
Play old games, watch movies you liked when you were younger, or visit places you both love.
Remembering the good times can make you feel closer.
9. Letting Go Nicely
If, despite your efforts, the relationship has become stagnant and isn’t working anymore, it’s okay to let go of it with grace.
Holding onto on to it out of obligation or just because you’re used to it isn’t good for you.
Recognise when things have changed and focus on finding new connections that make you happy.
It’s also important to understand that not every relationship needs to be deeply stimulating and not every conversation will be a life-changing exchange.
Building good relationships isn’t just about having engaging and exciting talks all the time.
Sometimes, just chatting lightly can be nice and fun and perfectly enjoyable.
Small talk has its place too, bringing us moments of connection and laughter.
But if you always feel bored around someone, it might mean you’re not a great match.
It’s better to focus on relationships that make you feel happy and excited.
George Santayana once said, “Boredom is the only unforgivable sin.”
This means it’s important to avoid dull connections and find ones that make you feel alive.
Remember, relationships require effort. Creating meaningful connections takes work.
It’s about finding things you both like, having deep talks, and trying new things together.
Maya Angelou said, “People will never forget how you made them feel.”
This shows that good relationships leave a lasting impact, making life richer and more meaningful.
Let’s focus on building relationships that bring us joy, make us curious, and help us grow.
Remember, life is too short for boring conversations!
Are you ready to transform your conversations from dull to dynamic?
Do write your thoughts in the comments.
“People will never forget how you made them feel.” Great quote… one of my favorites. Thanks for sharing this!
Its my favourite quote too!
Such a great post! There is nothing wrong with relationships growing apart that is part of life. Sometimes, people are just meant to be part of our life just for a few chapters, not for the entire story.
Thanks for appreciating.Yes,some people are there to walk with us for a while.They leave and new people join in!
Hi Eshna! Really interesting post! One thing I’m learning is to listen carefully to others. I often find myself asking for the other person to repeat themself because I didn’t catch what he or she said the first time. That drives my family wild! They often tell me they’re not repeating what they said! I’m learning give my full attention to my conversation partner. I put my phone to the side and show interest in what he or she is saying. I’ve been doing this a lot lately, and I’ve noticed that I’m asking for repetition less and less these days. Thanks for sharing this post!
Can totally relate.I too used to get zoned out during a conversation. Now i make a deliberate effort to practice active listening.
Very interesting read. Not something I’ve ever thought about in depth. Thanks for talking about this.
Thanks..glad you like it,
I had to let a few friends go…one reason was that I moved to another country but also we parted cos I started family and could not party as much as I used to.