How to Overcome Shyness as an Adult
Overcome Shyness as an adult and Why Shyness Isn’t Forever (and How to Break Out of It)
“The only way to overcome shyness is to take action. The more you take action, the more confident you become.” – Brian Tracy
We’ve all had those nervous moments in new situations, feeling unsure of what to say or how to act.
Shyness is something many people experience, no matter their age or background.
But does it have to control you?
As a child and throughout my growing up years, I struggled with shyness.
It required immense courage for me to talk with new people or even approach a shop to buy something.
Meeting new people and introducing myself was difficult, often feeling like my worst nightmare.
Despite being a military brat and moving to new places, attending a new school every two years, breaking out of this shell of shyness was never easy.
I had to change the way I thought about things and beat this fear.
With some hard work and as I got older and gained more experience, I managed to break free from my shyness.
I realized that being shy doesn’t have to be a life sentence; it’s something one can overcome.
Overcome Shyness as an Adult:
Unlike things like your personality, which stay pretty much the same, shyness is more like a habit you learn.
It often comes from being scared of what others might think or getting rejected.
Maybe you find it hard to look people in the eye when you talk, or you feel tongue-tied in big groups, or you just avoid social meets altogether.
Hey.. Please do not forget to follow me on Pinterest !!But you can totally learn to be less shy and feel more confident around others.
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Here’s why being shy isn’t something that has to stay with you forever:
It’s a Feeling, Not a Fact:
Feeling shy is just something that happens sometimes.
It’s not who you are all the time.
Even though it might feel really real in the moment, you can learn to deal with those nervous feelings and not let them control you.
Sure, shyness can make you feel all sweaty and shaky, but it doesn’t have to stop you from connecting with people.
It’s About What You Do, Not Who You Are:
Shyness is more about the things you do, like avoiding eye contact or not speaking up.
But those are just habits you’ve picked up, not things that are set in stone about you.
With some effort, you can change those habits and do things that make you feel more confident. Instead of hiding in a crowd, try talking to one person and see how it goes.
You Can Keep Getting Better:
Getting over shyness isn’t something you do all at once.
It has it’s ups and downs.
Sometimes you’ll feel unsure or doubt yourself, and that’s fine.
The key is to celebrate the times when you do well, learn from the times when things don’t go so great, and keep on trying.
Don’t worry if you don’t see big changes right away.
Feeling confident takes time and practice, but you’ll get there if you keep at it (ask me!!)
So, how can you overcome Shyness as an Adult and start being more confident?
Here are 12 tips to help you out:
1. Challenge negative thoughts:
Our inner critic can be a powerful voice, feeding us anxieties and insecurities.
The first step is to become aware of the negative thought patterns.
Maybe you find yourself thinking things like “Everyone will think I’m boring” or “I’m going to mess up and everyone will laugh.”
Challenge these thoughts!
Ask yourself if there’s any evidence to support them.
Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments.
Here’s an example:
Let’s say you’re at a work event and feeling shy about introducing yourself to new people.
Your inner critic might be whispering that everyone will find you uninteresting.
Challenge that thought!
Think about your hobbies and interests.
Are you passionate about something? Do you have any unique experiences?
Everyone has something interesting to share.
Focus on those things and use them as conversation starters.
RELATED POST: Stop Negative Self Talk with 6 Powerful Strategies
2. Start small:
Don’t try to be a social butterfly all at once. It’s important to slowly ease into things.
Big parties can be scary if you’re shy.
Start by talking to people you know, like the person at your coffee shop or a co-worker you see often.
These little chats can help you feel more confident.
As you get more comfortable, try talking to new people in new places.
3. Focus on active listening:
Shyness can make us worry too much about ourselves.
Instead, focus on the other person.
Listen to what they’re saying and show you’re interested.
Make eye contact, ask questions, and don’t interrupt.
Being a good listener makes you a better talker too.
Here are some tips for active listening:
* Make eye contact and smile to show you’re engaged.
* Pay attention to what the other person is saying, both verbally and nonverbally.
* Ask follow-up questions to show you’re interested in learning more.
* Avoid interrupting or dominating the conversation.
4. Watch your body language:
How you act without talking says a lot.
Shy people might look closed-off, like crossing their arms or avoiding eye contact.
But standing tall, looking people in the eye, and smiling makes you seem friendly and confident.
It might feel weird at first, but practicing confident body language can actually make you feel more confident inside too.
RELATED POST: Use of Body Language in Creating Positive First Impressions
5. Speak up:
Practice sharing your thoughts in easy situations.
Writing in a journal helps you sort out your ideas without worrying what others think.
It’s like talking to yourself on paper.
You can also try joining groups where you have to talk, like public speaking or improv classes.
These places are safe to practice talking and get more confident.
Even chatting online about stuff you like can help you get better at expressing yourself.
6. Be proud of yourself:
We all have things we’re good at.
Think about what you’re good at and what makes you happy.
Make a list of these things to remind yourself how awesome you are.
Are you good at writing or music? Do you make people laugh?
These are your strengths, and you can use them to start conversations.
Focusing on what you’re good at helps you feel more sure of yourself when you’re around others.
7. Act confident or Fake it till you make it:
Sometimes, you have to pretend to be confident until you really feel it.
That doesn’t mean being fake, just acting like you know what you’re doing.
Stand tall, talk to people, and smile, even if you’re nervous inside.
The more you act confident, the more confident you’ll start to feel.
It’s like tricking your brain into believing in yourself.
Eventually, that confidence becomes real.
RELATED POST: How to Fake It Till You Make It: My Personal Journey from Stage Fright to Self-Belief
8. Progress over perfection:
It’s okay to mess up sometimes.
Every mistake is a chance to learn.
Did you make eye contact today? Or have a quick chat with someone new?
Those are wins, no matter how small.
Keep track of your progress and use it to keep pushing yourself forward.
9. Be nice to yourself:
It’s important to treat yourself kindly when you make mistakes or feel shy.
Everyone feels shy sometimes, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Learn from your experiences and keep trying.
10. Get support:
It’s okay to talk to someone you trust about feeling shy, like a friend, family member, or therapist.
They can listen and give you advice.
Sharing your feelings can make you feel better and they can help you figure out ways to feel more confident.
A therapist can also give you professional help with shyness and anxiety.
11. Try new things:
When you’re ready, try doing things that are a bit outside your comfort zone.
Maybe you could join a club or volunteer for something you care about.
Doing new things helps you meet new people and feel more confident.
RELATED POST: How To Embrace Change and develop growth mindset
12. Celebrate your wins:
Take time to be happy about the things you achieve, even if they seem small.
Did you talk to someone new or join in a group discussion?
That’s awesome! Celebrating your progress keeps you motivated to keep going.
“Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.” – André Dubus
Remember, feeling shy doesn’t mean you can’t have fun socialising.
With a bit of effort and kindness to yourself, you can get past shyness and feel confident in social situations.
You Can Overcome Shyness as an Adult.
You’re totally capable of making friends, being yourself, and having great relationships.
Start today and show the world how amazing you are!
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I have never been shy. I can only image how challenging it must be to stuggle with speaking to strangers. Having a skill or two to help overcome shyness can give you tools to become more social.
Hi,Thanks for reading my post. Yes being a shy person definitely has its challenges. But with deliberate effort it can be be overcome.Thats what i have been doing!
Shy girl here! Thank you for the great tips!
This article is incredibly insightful! I’ve always struggled with shyness, especially in social situations. The tips on challenging negative thoughts and starting small are exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for sharing such practical advice!
Overcoming shyness has been one of my most difficult victories in life, but it can be done. I used the fake it till you make it approach, and forced myself to step out of my comfort zone. It worked.
Great post! It’s like you wrote this just for me, because I am struggling with interacting with people! I’m always thinking that someone is judging me, even people I know. I feel bad, because that means I’m judging other people as well and making assumptions about them. I like the quote that you used by Andre Dubus about shy people. It really speaks to me, because it’s true. Most people don’t have the time to think about me and judge me, so I shouldn’t be so worried. Blogging has really helped to get me out of my shell, but there are definitely days I’m where I struggle. Blogging is being vulnerable and putting yourself out there for people to comment on your thoughts. It hasn’t been easy for me, especially with me wondering if people are interested in my content or talking to me, but im getting better with my assumptions each day. Thankyou for this post.
This is a good read. Very informative!